About sixteen years ago, I met him for the first time. My trainwreck sibling brought home this adorable puppy he had no business adopting because he had not one thing in his life that wasn’t a mess. I was furious at my sibling – he didn’t even take care of himself, how could he drag
1. Annorlunda Books is back to publish another book by @asakiyume.bsky.social!
2. I’ve been appreciating all the cute animals that Instagram has been serving me even if I’m still baffled why it won’t just show me the people I actually follow.
4. I treated JB and myself to a local conveyor belt sushi dinner which was both cheaper than if we’d tried to feed the whole family and much more fun than if we’d had SmolAc along as they are famously a giant pain in the patootie when it comes to every possible fun dining experience.
Year 7, Day 22:Butts. Home insurance and earthquake insurance are due this week. That takes the shine off my win against Comcast – they had several outages and I got them to credit my account $20 though they tried to put me off after $5. Our credit card bills were temporarily sky-high this month thanks to JB’s surgery and SmolAc’s party that we’d planned well before this layoff happened (sigh). I considered cancelling it but it didn’t make sense to cancel the only party of this kind that they’re going to get. We don’t do big parties yearly.
I’ve been saving cash gifts for the kids to use in their futures, outside the 529. I didn’t want to lock ALL their future money into that one vehicle, they’ll need to pay for necessities at some point, too. Finally decided to put that money in a short term CD for now to grow it a bit more. That buys me some time between now and CD maturity to make a decision on where it should grow next.
Year 7, Day 23: Struggling with feeling like a failure today. It’s not just because I received the first of what may be many rejections to job applications, this was one that I absolutely expected. Knowing it was coming doesn’t seem to shield against the sadness that comes with the slog. My inability to envision a path into the future now is also tough. I agree that there are no future proofed jobs, and the world is more unpredictable than ever. There should be some comfort in knowing this mess (both the work and the world) isn’t about me but right now it all feels like it’s too much and hopeless.
It’s a sad work or “work” as the day goes on from bed kind of day. I’ve built up my pillow fort and thrown my Oodie on top and snuggled in to do what I can. This week’s focus has been negotiating the agreement of what we will commit to doing before departure and trying to find and close every possible loophole.
Year 7, Day 24: I’ve never stopped doing my little points earnings things: MyPoints, Swagbucks, Bing, Evidation, Fetch, Ibotta, MrRebates, Rakuten (still want to call them ebates out of long habit). They are each the tiniest of drops of money but where they had become gravy with two good incomes, there’s a new (returned?) sense of urgency to tick all the boxes to supplement the soon to be dwindling income with every possible penny.
My friend who is currently out of a job is as unconcerned as I am concerned. I have never had her outlook on life, or the supports that allow her to develop that outlook. But I’m trying to inch my way towards the happy medium between the two of us. It’s an excruciatingly slow process. My amygdala is screeching all the time, the only change is in volume. My efforts to take deep cleansing breaths and leave the screeching in the background is not aided in any way by the bleakness of job market.
Year 7, Day 25: Holy unexpected price drop, Batman, our car registration went down $62 this year. That feels like the only bill that’s gone down, what a savings. Feel free to imitate the … uh, DMV … other bills!
I’m sad today. I can get out of bed today, yesterday I mostly needed to stay in bed, but I’m sad that I finally hit a milestone salary only for it to be ripped away. I’m sad that I had my own 401K for only a very short time (though glad I did max it out every chance I got). I’m sad that I had my own FSA for such a short amount of time when I’m the person who uses the bulk of the account(s). All of this makes me feel like a burden and a failure. Losing my whole income means that I have to pull back on direct aid, that makes me feel like garbage. I know I have to put my oxygen mask on first and I also know some folks are living on such slim margins that stopping my help will likely make a measurable negative difference.
Things I will not miss: the bureaucratic stupidity with which every section of this company was run. The stupidity and laziness of the HR department which has screwed up payroll a dozen times, caused distress and frustration with regular HR questions and with this entire layoff.
Year 7, Day 26: Moments of TV levity. Elementary, when Joan takes Sherlock to task for using the memory of Moriarty as an excuse not to move on with his romantic life and he realizes she’s angry with him. He says “Watson?” in such a pleading tone.
JB asked me last night if there’s any chance we would lose the house and have to move because of my losing my job.
I hadn’t thought about that but they were so anxious about the unknowns that I did the quick math. Accounting for cap gains taxes, 1.2 times the amount we still owe. I have a little more than twice that amount in just my regular brokerages without touching any retirement savings. I wouldn’t because it doesn’t make sense to liquidate for the full amount but I COULD. So that’s a point of anxiety relief for them and a useful data point for my own anxiety.
1. For Mother’s Day we enjoyed a trip to the shelter and to the local reuse center. It was deeply satisfying to find expensive office supplies for cheap (saving at least $45 on address labels), and then at checkout I paid for a lady’s stuff for her kid when she didn’t have cash on hand and wasn’t buying enough to use her CC. I’ve been caught out cashless before so I told the guy to just add it to our order. She was shocked but it was only $2! And it’s fun to randomly help a person out.
2. We took the kids to the zoo and decided, at $9/ticket, only three of us would ride the train. This was really SmolAc’s burning desire. We’d have sent the two kids without us but SmolAc is still short enough that they are required to ride with an adult. We’re being a little bit penny-pinching where it seems appropriate. In the end the tickets were discounted to $7 because we’re zoo members this year ($21).
Then the conductor waved PiC on free so all four of us rode! Completely unasked for, and unexpected, but very nice and totally appreciated to have that bit of fun together.
I’m looking up capital gains tax rates in case we get to the point of needing to sell off assets to make up the income gap without my job.
Looks like the tax on cap gains are determined by overall taxable income. Since we still have PiC’s income for the moment, I’ll plan on a 15% tax. Better to plan for that and be pleasantly surprised should we NOT meet the minimum threshold than the other way around:
A capital gains rate of 15% applies if your taxable income is:
more than $48,350 but less than or equal to $533,400 for single;
more than $48,350 but less than or equal to $300,000 for married filing separately;
more than $96,700 but less than or equal to $600,050 for married filing jointly and qualifying surviving spouse; and
more than $64,750 but less than or equal to $566,700 for head of household.
We won’t exceed the thresholds to get into the 20% rate and we don’t have any reason to trigger the exceptions:
– The taxable part of a gain from selling section 1202 qualified small business stock is taxed at a maximum 28% rate.
– Net capital gains from selling collectibles (such as coins or art) are taxed at a maximum 28% rate.
– The portion of any unrecaptured section 1250 gain from selling section 1250 real property is taxed at a maximum 25% rate.
Short-term capital gains are taxed as ordinary income so we’ll only sell off older stocks, bonds, and mutual funds first.
Year 7, Day 15: I wanted to try this roasted cauliflower recipe from Smitten Kitchen but we only had florets and no pumpkin seeds, so I accidentally overroasted the cut florets instead. Whoops. SmolAc claimed to love it, though, so we’ll try again tomorrow with a much shorter bake time.
It was a real mental slog today with the layoff-with-no-information still plaguing everyone. We still need the necessary information to make decisions, like say, LAST DAYS, and we’re *shocker* being strung along. Still. I had a medium chat of commiseration with my colleague who feels as despondent as I do today. They responded to my feelings of failure using my own words from last week which, ok, fine, fair play. We did the best that we could with the information that we had. For all that I regret not foreseeing this exact outcome on this timeline, my therapist reminds me that this is very consistent with all the reasons that I hated the new parent company coming into our lives in the first place. They’re callous, inefficient, incompetent, and entirely about money and power. I hated that at the start of my career, I hate it now at the end of this part of my career. I might be done with this industry. I’m good at my job but I’m terrible at the politics and you can’t survive in senior to executive leadership with my attitude towards politics (deep sincere loathing). I’m worse at tolerating incompetence, and it’s quite clear that that is the only way to thrive in this corporation and probably most others.
Year 7, Day 16: I’m less tired than yesterday but then burned some of that precious recovery going to my annual eye exam. I HATE eye exams. I always feel like I’m failing and this time, the results for the only test that I’m “good” at (the peripheral vision) were bad. The doc thinks that it was due to fogging in the visor thingie. We skipped the eye dilation in favor of the horribly blinding bright flash photos to view the optic nerves; that always makes me feel sick. The nausea wasn’t as strong as usual but it did leave me off kilter enough that, on my way home, I misjudged the distance to the curb and bounced off it a little bit. I almost panicked at the impact but managed to get myself into a parking spot safely. The rubber of the tire is a little chipped but I think it’s ok? I hope it is.
My mood isn’t good but the heaviness of yesterday eased up enough for me to do a handful of to-do items and that helps my mood immensely, generally. Submitted a praise nomination for an award for the compassionate nurse from last week. Submitted a change in camp schedule for JB. Submitted a request for a replacement debit card for PiC. Stopped by the bank and deposited cash from PiC’s recent sales.
Year 7, Day 17: I rescheduled one of JB’s camps for August to get around a schedule conflict. I hate how public school doesn’t just give us the whole year of scheduling in one go when most of these things that they give us so little notice for was set in stone for months! That’s going to cost a $25 cancellation fee which feels much less negligible then it used to feel. This reminds me I need to do an estimate of what camps that both kids might attend next summer to estimate what we should contribute to the 2027 FSA – best case scenario planning (assuming PiC still has his job in 2027) to go with my worst case scenario planning. I contain multitudes.
I’ve gone through our election ballot and selected most of our candidates for most position. I’m stewing over the governorship – why do we have SIXTY ONE candidates?? Argh. This is how we end up with a pair of Republicans in the general election! GRR.
Year 7, Day 18: A friend shared this cool site: https://reciprocard.com. You can check to see if you have reciprocal privileges at another library!
I spent 15 minutes looking at high-level job listings and have concluded I hate them all. I want to be independently wealthy, volunteer, and give my time and money to help people and animals.
MakeItSoPicard.gif.
We toured the middle school and the tour was led by sixth and seventh graders which was moderately annoying. We also didn’t get sufficient information on electives selection which I didn’t realize til long after we got home. SmolAc loved it because they snacked their way through the whole thing.
Year 7, Day 19: I’m feeling a lot like Stephen Colbert about my Schrodinger’s layoff: There are more important things in the worlds. I’m mostly concerned for my staff (and my financial future). I have no interest in litigating it at all. My colleagues/staff are all taking it really hard, and my primary job is to support them. Maybe I’m just numb (my instinctive coping mechanism), or being reasonably financially stable in a time of crisis for once (novel!), or because I’ve been through one of these already and they haven’t, or I know there’s simply no point in demanding to know why a corporation bought a perfectly good company only to strip it for parts. This happens all the time. Red Lobster. Party City. A hundred other companies I couldn’t recall off the top of my head. Private equity is of the devil and so is “line go up” corporate business management. It’s all the same: they only care about extracting value and kicking the husk into the corner.
I’ve always been at least a little fatalistic about the world and corporations specifically, so really, after I absorbed how quickly this went down, I also have no desire to prolong the pain by worrying over how and why they can be so terrible. Because they have continued to be awful, of course. My laser focus is on getting my staff taken care of and making sure they pay me every penny that they owe me before I get the hell out.
I give myself a little job hunting time every day, and a little do whatever the heck I want on my chore/to do list every day. I’ll start to volunteer at the local rescue soon because they have remote volunteering options!, to give myself a little joy in my life, to try to offset the weirdness of being unemployed when that final day comes. I also need to think of what to send each of my staff to personally thank them for their time and efforts since they started, for the last day. My old bosses sucked – they couldn’t even be bothered to take a minute to say goodbye to me when I left my last job to come work again for my Good Boss, I won’t have that last day go unremarked for my people no matter how this ship went down.
We’re all doing our best to cope with all the everything. Anxiety, depression, dread, (minor blips of relief from me), more anxiety. We’re all struggling to figure out next steps for ourselves, for our families.
I still haven’t told most people in my offline life. I don’t want to. I don’t want to think more about who I am without this job. I just want to be for a bit before I have to think about that.
Doesn’t mean I haven’t been hunting, I have. Sometimes for me, sometimes for the team, sometimes to just get the words I need to polish my resume some more.
Parenting is such a balancing act. I can’t say who was more in the right here, I think it’s probably a percentage of both, but PiC and I had a joking mock-fight this morning over JB.
They have a state project right now. They have to write a paper, give an oral presentation, and make a diorama. JB is artistic enough that they are well-equipped to self manage the diorama so long as we get them the supplies. PiC scavenged a really good box from Costco, I got them a big box of clay for some parts, checked in with some friends for an assist on mini animal figures (no luck there but I asked). I’ve given them home-deadlines that supercede school deadlines to make sure they actually stay on track and won’t end up working on this last minute and then stepped back.
PiC is a perfectionist. PiC has SOOOO many ideas on how this could be good. Really good! And, he’s right, his way would result in a fantastic diorama. (But his way would also take ten times the amount of time and inevitably at some point cause frustration.)
JB asked me if I could remind him that this is their project and their responsibility. They appreciate that he wants to offer ideas buuuuuut please (stuff it) back off. I reminded them that they are perfectly within their rights to tell him themselves, but I did later tell him to get his own state if he’s so enthusiastic about doing a project.
Him: Sooooooo I looked at the diarama. I had ideas.
Me: You need to back off and give them space.
Him: I did! I’m just offering some suggestions!
Me: Well, stop. Let them be their own person. They’ll come to you if they need or want help.
Him: They can be their own person later! They won’t have the ideas if they don’t know what they’re missing!
Me: They won’t BE their own person later if we don’t let them develop personhood now! And they will come to you when they want help!
We’re not actually fighting and I understand his pull just as much as mine. Maybe his even more. I worry that mine means they won’t do the best that they CAN do, b/c he’s right, their perspective is limited. But they need to be independent, too! What’s the happy medium between forcing them to hold the highest standards (and interfering constantly) and being so hands off they don’t develop a sense of quality?
Point for me: They did come to ask me for help a couple of times. I offered an idea (Go collect pinecones to use as “trees”) and I offered a “suggestion” (I can’t find a small enough pinecone! // I think that’s a problem that’s solved by going and looking some more, isn’t it?). They did their thing from there.
He’s a reasonable human so he’s taken my push in the way it was meant and told them that if they would like suggestions, let him know.
Life with Smol Acrobat (5.3)
SmolAc has been really cheesed off about being the youngest lately. No idea why. They’re the most coddled but, oh. Right they want all the same things that JB gets. Hilariously this is the exact same fight I’ve been having with JB for two years ages8-10 where they want all the same things that SMOLAC got (fewer responsibilities, age appropriate responsibilities for SmolAc that they had long outgrown) – but didn’t want to give up any of the privileges of being the older kid.
But some of this difference isn’t a function of age, it’s a function of size and ability. Sometimes JB gets a double patty burger when they’re especially hungry or they order off the adult menu. We allow it because they are a good eater and usually have a decent idea of what they can handle. They’ve had this privilege a pretty long time because they’ve always been an enthusiastic experimental eater. Yes, they miss the mark sometimes and hate what they chose or can’t finish it but we use that as a learning experience for next time. Sometimes concession stand food sucks. We can’t do anything about that except choose “safer” options.
SmolAc is a giant pain to feed because they’re picky and fussy and whiny and easily distracted and takes forever to eat a marginally calorically appropriate meal. We’re not letting them order anything we already know they will let go to waste.
I overheard them telling JB: When I am 100 I can have three burger patties!
Related: They don’t need eyeglasses yet but needed to try on frames because JB was doing it, so couldn’t they? Fine, that’s not hurting anyone. Or when they thought that JB was getting to drink from a syringe for fun but it was because JB’s mouth was so swollen they couldn’t drink from a cup. SmolAc believed that a syringe would cure them of everything, too.
